Ground Rules for Collaborative Law Process

• Attack the problems and concerns at hand, not each other.
• Avoid positions; rather, express yourself in terms of needs and interests and the outcomes you would like to achieve.
• Work for what you believe is the most constructive, acceptable agreement for both of you and for your family.
• During the four-way conferences, remember the following:
  • Do not interrupt when your spouse or his/her attorney is speaking. You will have a full and equal opportunity to speak on every issue presented for discussion.
  • Do not use language that blames or finds fault with the other spouse. Try to use non-inflammatory words and be respectful of each other.
  • Speak for yourself, using “I” statements.
  • If you share a complaint, try to raise it as your concern and follow up with a constructive suggestion.
  • If something is not working for you, please tell your attorney so that your concern can be addressed.
  • Listen carefully and try to understand what the other person is saying without being judgmental about the speaker or the message.
  • Talk with your attorney about anything you do not understand. Your attorney can clarify issues for you.
• Be willing to commit the time required to meet regularly and be prepared for each meeting.
• Be patient. Delays in the process can happen even with everyone acting in good faith.